Wifey Wednesdays

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and get united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31). 

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/11/stop-living-separate-lives-marriage/

I know that it is not Wednesday today, but this post really hit a cord with me.

When discussing living separate lives, I think huge red flags should be going up.

This was what it was like for us early in our marriage.  We were newly weds.  We were happy, free, but living separate lives, although not realizing it.  He had his job, and I had mine.  I had a 40 minute commute, working at an awesome Christian school.  I LOVED my job, my students, the staff, the town, and the community.  Oftentimes, when I had a meeting at school, I would stay at school.  I spent lots of time with my dear friend and colleague.  I also spent time joining a co-ed volleyball league.  While playing volleyball, I met some new friends, primarily of the opposite gender.  I should have seen the red flags, but I didn't.  We continued to live our separate lives, being completely oblivious to that fact.

Meanwhile, my husband was at home, keeping busy with his job (running his own business).  However, as we continued to live our separate lives, he found it more difficult to fight against his secret sin of being addicted to pornography.  I was not "there" for him, in the way that a good, godly wife should be.  I was definitely not his "helpmate".

Our purpose on earth is to glorify God and to become more like Him (sanctification).  I also believe this is true in marriage with the addition to helping each other become more like Christ (mutual sanctification).  A marriage is not a healthy marriage if the wife and husband are living separate lives.

I am thankful to God that my husband finally approached me regarding the time I was spending with my new (male)  friends.  I wish that I had seen the error in my ways earlier in my marriage, or that someone would have helped me see the red flags (I don't know if I would have agreed with them, though-unfortunately).

I am also very thankful to God that I discovered my husband's pornography addiction and that that was brought to the light.  We travelled a difficult road of healing together.  We had a fabulous Christian marriage counsellor, great friends, and supportive family.   By God's good grace, He granted us healing and restoration in our marriage, for which I am so grateful.

I love Sheila's list to help live "parallel lives".

I would add to list by suggesting the following:

-if needed, do not hesitate to seek advice from a Christian counselor or mentor
-read the Bible or devotions together
-pray together and FOR each other (preferably out loud in front of each other)
-have fun together!  Find something that you both enjoy and do it together.  Or do something that you don't necessarily like, but do it for/ with your spouse anyways!
-carve out alone time (especially important if you have children)
-no cell phones or electronics in bed and no TV in the bedroom

One Thousand Gifts (continued)

"I am setting before you today a blessing..." 

(Deuteronomy 11:26-27)

"That was a beautiful day", my husband said to me as we were driving home from parent/teacher conferences last week.  On that day, we had a daughter and a son on the winning school volleyball teams.  We had the privilege of meeting up with former high school teachers and current high school teachers (our niece, sister-in-law, friends, etc.).  We witnessed positive sportsmanship.  We had positive feedback from teachers regarding our children.  It was a beautiful day.  It made us so thankful for the Christian staff whom we have entrusted to teach our children.  It made us feel very blessed to be part of such a wonderful Christian community both at the elementary level and secondary level (more so, next year)! 

Continuing to give thanks...

#4043-#4072

-our amazing, Christian community that we are part of

-our Christian teachers (elementary and secondary)

-gifted children and amazing report cards

-positive parent/teacher conferences

-a successful school bazaar

-the wealth of volunteers who helped make the bazaar a success

-playing sports with her cousin(s)

-being part of the championship teams
-good sportsmanship

-learning the volleyball skills

-silver medalists

-dedicated coaches

-his excitement about his prizes that he won

-being excited about owning his own instrument

-how he practices on his own without being told

-being silly wearing the "band" gloves

-having lots of fun with our photo booth!!

-how my brother in law had such a solid, sturdy photo booth made-to perfection

-how she takes my ideas and goes full force with them
-all her work and time helping to create our photo booth

-how being silly is so easy when they're together

-the fun we have together with my sister and brother in law

-the cute couple that they make

-how she always includes her cousins

-how she carries the cat everywhere and his high level of tolerance

-how she loves to play

-bringing out the classic game of Memory!
-our new table- an solution to many dinner woes!

-trying a new recipe that she found on her own
-always wanting to serve others!

One Thousand Gifts (continued)

"The LORD your God is a merciful God; He will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which He confirmed to them by oath" (Deuteronomy 4:31).

Another yearly attempt at family photos in the poinsettias.
It certainly doesn't get easier as the years go by, but we don't want to give up, so we keep trying!
I was reminded of God's mercy and I'm so thankful and that He doesn't give up on us!!

Continuing to give thanks...
#4019-#4042

-finding glitter in our house again (and all over Paul's clothes) - a sign that Christmas is coming!

 -another beautiful poinsettia crop

-almost complete cooperation for the camera

 -how they love to make silly faces

-his innocence

 -making it easier to get cooperation from everyone

-how he loves to smile for the camera

 -a superb poinsettia grower and business man

 -getting one half decent family photo

 -hockey fans (sort of)

 -her independent spirit (and mind of her own)

-willing photographers

-our beautiful children that we are so blessed to have in our lives!!!

-getting her outdoors because of her new bubble toy from her aunt

-her aunt willing to babysit her for a few afternoons and the fun they have together

-her love for the water and how she's doing so well at swimming lessons

-celebrating my father-in-law's 77th birthday

-his health, humour, and kindness

-having the grandchildren over for pancakes

-Nicole's excitement and effort when doing her school projects

-how Curtis always visits his Beppe at night when we are gone

-our baptism and being reminded yesterday of the covenantal promises sealed through our baptism

-being reminded today of the many people who have given their lives to fight for our freedom 

-the peace and freedom we have in this country

One Thousand Gifts (continued)

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path" 

(Psalm 119:105).

I am hoping that these rules will benefit our family and help our family as we grow and mature.  I made these rules for the welfare of all of us.  Similarly, there are standard rules for us to follow for our sake and our safety.  I was reminded of this as I had a traffic violation last week.  I simply hung my head in shame and guilt.  Thankfully, the police officer reduced the penalty.  God gave us His Word to be a guide for our lives and a light for our path.  He gave us His law for our well being and our own good, but also so that we can see our sinful ways and realize how much we need His grace and His forgiveness. 

Continuing to give thanks...

#3989-#4018

-rules and laws

-His laws and His Word

-His grace and forgiveness

-glorious view from my front window

-the sun peaking through the clouds

-painting- their latest hobby

-pumpkin carving

-his bravery- digging in and touching the guts

-her curiosity and excitement about carving a pumpkin for the first time

-their thoughtfulness of making simple carving patterns for their mom

-proud of her "D" for Deborah

-how she loves to find letters that she knows and say who it stands for (ex.  "O" for "Owen"; "M" for "Mason" and "Mommy", etc)  

-grandparents that LOVE to see their grandchildren trick or treating

-the customized treats for their grandchildren

-eager to participate in the Road to Hope 1k race

-how he patiently assisted her with her 1k race

-so proud and excited to get a medal (every participant receives a medal)

-supporting each other

-running with my niece and sister-in-law

-a great event, despite the wet weather

-supporting a great cause, EduDeo Ministries

-a successful event, as EduDeo raised over $55 000!

-the friendships he has made from running

-completing the 5k (in the rain)

-my inspiring sister-in-law

-his strength and determination

-sharing similar interests

-spending time with a friend who flew from Miami to run in the race

-how they love to act silly together
-how he teaches her the finer things in life, like fighting when playing hockey on the Playstation